Waiting on God

Let me share a chapter of my love story.

Ten years ago, I was a gal innocently going through the motions of life. I was a high school student, A lister, a nerd (as they say) and just a normal looking person who is wishing for a God-written love story. But the world has its way of teaching us what love is – contrary to what the Bible teaches us in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (CEV):

Love is patient and kind, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude.
Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Love never fails!

I remember my teacher in my Christian Value’s class talking about the three (3) types of love: Eros, Phileos and Agape. Eros – emphasizing on physical love, Phileos – characterizing love of a friend and/or family, and Agape – which allows us to see unconditional love (an example would be Jesus ^_^). That time, I just want to experience Agape, never fully knowing what the other two may really mean. As time goes by, I come to experience and see the difference of each.

Maturity

I am just an ordinary girl with no idea about crushes and love. I am consumed with studying, and improving myself as a person. Back then, I hate make up and dressing up. Instead, I find comfort with jeans. It was when I was in third year college that I felt this weird feeling of admiring the opposite sex, feeling giddy just to see him and sometimes getting so tongue-tied when in front of him. Every morning, I would think of him, and every night, I would dream about him. More on the physical type of love, and before I knew it, I had already fallen in love with him.

The danger of this one was that it was rooted in admiration of physical attributes. We became friends, and eventually, became lovers. We were so consumed with each other that we rarely had time to focus on ourselves, and other things important to our life. Eventually, we separated and I was left heartbroken. I was left wondering what went wrong, and if I had chosen wrong.

: seyed mostafa zamani / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Time passed by and the search for someone to be with me forever never really left my heart. I focused on other things for the mean time — academics, work, family and friends. They say being single is a gift from God because this is the season where we can give back your talents to our Creator and allow us to enjoy our relationship with Him before our relationship with the one whom He chooses. They are right, because being single allowed me to realize so many things about myself — my likes and dislikes, how I adjust with people and problems, and most especially how I apply what I learned to new things that happen to me. This season is a gift, and I am forever thankful for it.

However, there will still come a time when one would want to enjoy life with someone by their side. I am at that season. But I also know that my God is a big God who knows my needs (and my wants) and I know He will deliver at that right time. It is very hard on my part as I know I am burning with desire to marry, but then, I also know, that if I am not able to enjoy every single moment of my life alone, I also won’t be able to enjoy it with someone else.

Waiting on God is very hard, I can assure you, but it is also a test of faith. A test of patience. A test of trust to the One who will give me that loving person. I am at this time of my life when God prunes a certain part of me because I am impatient and I am a complainer. I am thankful for the web where I can share my thoughts and the thought that I am not alone — that somewhere, someone else feels the same way as I do gives me encouragement. I know I am still a work in progress and this point of my life might be very important for the upcoming season where I’ll enjoy being with God’s choice for me. I don’t know what God thinks, but one thing is for sure – whatever is happening to me right now is what He thinks is the best for me. Maybe, someday, I’ll be spending the rest of my life with my other half, just like this couple below.

: Adam Foster | Codefor / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

So now, maybe we’re on the same boat and you are waiting on God. You might not be waiting for someone special, but you are waiting for God’s provision, or His answer to a specific prayer. My thoughts on that — still, wait on God. He might be lengthening the time being because He wants us to be patient, to trust Him, to have faith in Him more. Whatever that is, remember you’re not alone. We are on the same boat and just believe (as I do right now) that whatever we are waiting for, He is working on it and working something great on us. Just believe. 🙂

One thing I learned about love in the past ten years is this: Love is patient, love is kind. It isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It is always hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails. Even if my first love failed to make me happy, true love will never fail to encourage and give lasting happiness. That is what I learned in the past ten years — that is, love rooted in the physical attributes of this world will never last, but the love rooted in God will last forever and I am willing to wait on that no matter what I feel right now.

Reflections on the Beatitudes of Jesus

Matthew 5:3-12

“Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

‭

What does it mean to be poor in spirit? Lord, what does it mean to be poor in spirit? They are the ones who value God more than themselves or more than their properties. They are the ones who choose to turn to God instead of men because they believe that it’s all God who matters in their life. They value the relationship that God offers and what God wants to do in their lives.

Who are the ones who mourn? They are the ones who have lost someone special to them, and the ones who still look up to God when these things happen in their life for they will be comforted. They will be embraced by the heavenly Father who knows how it is to lose a son when He gave His to save the world.

Who are the meek? They are the ones who humble themselves before God. Those are the ones who give their self to God and do not complain because they believe that God will bless them with things they unexpect.

Who are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness? They are the ones who want to make sure that justice is done in the lives of people. Not the justice system of this world but the justice system of heaven. What God teaches us in His word, they hunger for it and thirst for God’s wisdom in their lives. They seek God’s righteousness in everything they do.

Who are the merciful? They are the ones who have forgiven their brother and released the debts their brother owe. They are the ones who fully believed that Jesus died on the cross, that He has already forgiven us of the gazillion sins that we have since our birth; that everything has ALREADY been paid by Jesus Christ and that He has already won the victory. They are the ones who chooses to forgive their brothers as many times as they can for the same offense done to them or the ones who forgive even though the person seems unforgivable and they are the ones who forgive because they know the grace given to them by our heavenly father.

Who are the pure in heart? They are the ones who seek God’s will in everything they do, who do not falter in their relationship with Christ, who chooses God’s way first before others, who chooses to stand up against the crowd of compromise even if it hurts because they know that giving their mind and heart to God is all that matters. They are the ones whom God is pleased because their lives are directed towards him; the ones who love God more than anything and anyone else and does not allow the enemy to contaminate their hearts with the fallen things of this world. They are blessed because they will see God.

I want not only to be pure in heart. But I want to practice each beatitude stated in here. Because I want to please my Father.

Who are the peacemakers? They are the ones who values the love of God above all else that they don’t argue, they don’t complain and they understand the situation and put it in the hands of the Master. They are peacemakers because they would rather not offend their brother nor sister nor they do not want to do anything that would hurt anyone but instead they want to practice showing love to everyone even if it hurts. They still do it though it hurts not because they are martyrs but because they believe that Jesus will take good care of the situation and would make sure that everything will be okay.

Who are the persecuted? They are the ones who stands up firm against the principalities of this world yet they receive no recognition; instead they receive mockery and insults from people who do not believe in God. They are the ones who believe that God has something better in store for them when they see Him in heaven that’s why they go on with their lives, giving their all for the glory and the advancement of the kingdom of God. They are the ones who love God despite of their circumstances and believes that the crown of life will be given to them someday.

Rejoice and be glad. I say it again, rejoice and be glad. I’ll repeat it. REJOICE AND BE GLAD. It would take a minute or two for this sentence to register in our minds. It takes repetition for us to understand; to remember. Why? Because great is the reward in heaven. What reward is that?

Those who practice the beatitudes have these rewards waiting for them in heaven:

Theirs is the kingdom of God.

They will be comforted.

They will inherit the earth.

They will be filled with righteousness.

They will be shown mercy.

They will see God.

They will be called sons of God.

Theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Whether or not they receive these rewards here on earth, surely, these things are waiting for them when they go to heaven. These are the things that will be given to them when the time is right of meeting Jesus our Lord. These are the crown of life that we should aim for, not because we want to be holy but because Jesus has shown us mercy and how holy He is. It would be a product of a grateful heart that has been shown love above all.

Shout out your faith!

I just attended the Lifemixx Convergence of Victory GenSan with Yeng Constantino as the speaker. Even before, I’m amazed how God worked in Yeng’s life and how He is using Yeng to encourage people of His great love and mercy to others.

I learned so much for this night that I am reminded why I want to stay here in GenSan — not because of the place but because of the people who constantly push me towards God and because I know, in this place, I am growing as an individual, may it be personally, emotionally or spiritually.

Just this night, Yeng talked about how she got saved and why she has this passion to tell others about Jesus (really, if you saw how passionate Yeng is in talking about Jesus Christ, about His love for us, you’ll know and you’ll be encouraged to say — I also want that relationship with Jesus). She is like us, a simple person who rose to fame and fortune, but still the emptiness in her heart haunts her. With desperate cry, she told Jesus everything that she’s feeling and while reading her bible, her eyes focused on these verses: John 17: 24-26.

²⁴“Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

²⁵“Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. ²⁶I have made you^[e] known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Jesus loves us so much that in his prayer, He says that He wants us to be with Him. That he has told everything about God so we can be with him in heaven. A very personal idea that she said is that, “Jesus loves us so much that He died on the cross to save us from our sins”. That Jesus, the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, was not ashamed to tell about him and about God to others. He was not ashamed to be crucified on the cross to save us. While listening to this message, I can’t undo the tears running down my cheeks because I know I’ve been guilty — there are times when I would rather sit back and relax than share about Jesus or even mention his name to other people. There are so many things that I’ve learned for today – but the big question is: Will I do it?

In every aspect, planning is good, but it’s much better if we implement and do what we’ve planned. I am actually challenged: Will I shout out my faith? Everything boils down to the status of my heart: Will I honor God with everything that I am, or will I sit back around the corner waiting for something to happen?

I would rather choose to honor God with everything that I am and not be ashamed of the truth — because in reality, God was not ashamed of me in the first place, He loves me so much that He has given me the mercy and grace. He loves me so much that I can’t sit back and wait for things to happen. It’s time for me to say:

I will make things happen.

God will write my own love story

Now, it’s high time to get emotional. I’m alone and the reality kicks in: I’m feeling lonely in this time of the year.

While writing this, several thoughts came morphing into my mind. Why this? Why that? I hope it’s like these and that. I know God has saved me from my past and He is working through me, but then the enemy is trying to pull me away from the idea that God will write my own love story.

**This is what I was thinking six months ago, when the wind’s cold and the rain’s pouring down.**

Now, I can’t help but smile and think of the happy moments I’m with him. Though he does not know, I’m just enjoying the fact that after 4 years of waiting, I finally realized I am ready to fall in love again. This time, I know,

God will be the author of my own love story.

God is faithful. ^_^

Last January 5-12, I participated for the annual prayer and fasting of Victory churches, particularly here at Victory Gensan. Ever since I put my faith in Christ back in Victory Los Baños, I am always praying for the salvation of my family.

For those who don’t know, I came from a broken family. Six years ago, I was still in college and my sister was still in highschool, when my father went here to GenSan for work. After several months, all communication and support were lost.

It was very difficult for us and we have this anger and hatred against him for abandoning us. Being the only Christian in my family, it was very difficult. I have to deal with such emotion and help my family finance our studies.

Every year during prayer and fasting, I am always praying for restoration of relationship with my father, and eventually with my sister and my mom’s relationship with him. Last 2009, I know in my heart that I have already forgiven him for all that happened but I am not yet ready to meet him, or even see him.

I have so many questions for him, why this, why that. What is his reason, what really happened and what is really the truth. When opportunity came to work here in GenSan as earlier stated here in my blog, one of my reasons is eventually to see him. Even before, I’ve been praying for this for so long.

Then, I got an answered prayer just this January 14.

My father and I met here in General Santos City. It was a cold evening and I was with my churchmate, Chelo talking about our personal lives at the plaza. Then, I received a text that he wanted to meet me. I was nervous, and I do not know how to react, even how to confront him, but this was my prayer ever since — to someday meet him and tell him I’ve already forgiven him for all that happened. I just asked Chelo to pray for me before our meeting.

At last, we met at around 10 in the evening. We ate with Chelo, talked about general stuff and went home. Then, it was the time. Time to talk to him, tell him everything I think about him, ask him questions, blame him for what happened. But then, I realized, as Christ has forgiven us of our sins, why will I blame him? All the while, what I really prayed was tell him I’ve forgiven him?

He spoke the first word when we were at the dining table. He said, “Anak, sorry. Sorry sa lahat ng ginawa ko. Alam ko, galit kayo pero nagsisisi ako.” (Daughter, sorry. Sorry for all the things I’ve done. I know, you’re angry but I repent.) If I am still my old self, I would tell him, “Iniwan mo kami. Alam mo ba kung gaano kahirap nung wala ka? Kelangan kong magtrabaho, kelangan kong i-give up ang mga gusto ko para makatulong. Sina Mama, nahirapan, pero nasan ka?” (You left us. Do you know how hard it was when you left? I need to work and support our family, mom was suffering, but where are you?) But then, I never actually thought about it. When he said the first words, all I want to say is, “Napatawad na kita. Basta ako, napatawad na kita.” (I forgive you. As for me, I forgive you.)

God is awesome and wonderful. Just do what God wants and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4, paraphrase)

We cried and hugged each other. Then, I asked him all my questions and he shared with me what really happened during those six years. He mentioned that he was actually given a second chance — he nearly died because of high blood pressure but still, he survived and was able to live another lifetime. As for me, one greatest breakthrough is that God allowed me and gave me the strength to forgive him despite what happened in the past.

Also, God answered another prayer for me — that is, I would be able to share the gospel to my father. I’m the shy type and I don’t usually tell others about Jesus. But this time, God gave me this boldness and He helped me say the right words so that I can share the gospel to him – that Jesus loved us so much that He willingly suffered and died to save us from our sins and that He rose again after three days. As what I’ve told him, “Papa, I’m telling you this because I just want to share God’s love in me. How God loves me, He loves you as well.”

I’ve shared about salvation and we prayed the prayer together. I’m happy for him. My follow up prayer for now is for him to start One2one at Victory Davao, and that he may constantly attend the church services there.

This is my testimony and I know, I have lots of testimonies coming my way this 2012. I just wanted to encourage you guys – those who follow this blog or for those who just stumbled upon it. God is faithful, God is just. If you’re believing for something, just believe and work out your relationship with God.

Nothing is impossible with God. To God be the glory for this testimony.

Reflections on my Father’s Loveletter

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But to a Christian, God says no. Not until you’re satisfied and fulfilled and content, unreservedly to me alone. I do love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things that others have gotten or that I’ve given them. Don’t look around at the things that you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any would ever dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have
planned for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me, and is thus perfect love. I am working even this minute, to have both of you ready at the same time. And dear child, I want you to have the most wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your own relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection that I offer you with Myself.

KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU. I AM ALMIGHTY GOD. BELIEVE AND BE SATISFIED.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
—Psalms 37:4

**********************************************************************************

“But to a Christian, God says no. Not until you’re satisfied and fulfilled and content, unreservedly to me alone.”

I’ve been a Christian for almost 4 years now and during those times I’ve been a baby Christian, I always ask myself, “Bakit kaya kailangan na mahalin muna si God before anyone and anything else?” Since then, when I make a decision, I weigh things according to what God wants in my life.

Then, I remember someone says, “you cannot control everything”. Even though I’m conscious of my actions as a Christian, I made the mistake of following my own instincts, thinking that I’m still following God.

“I do love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. “

I’ve made one mistake and it affected my whole life. This is the time I chose superman over God. The feeling of being in love, being appreciated by a man and being ale to show love to another has stunningly overcame my love for Him. I admit, I don’t have that solid foundation. Then, it happened. I was hurt.

This is the time I discovered that only in God my satisfaction is to be found and that I am not yet capable of having the perfect human relationship that God has planned for me. For I am not perfect still and because of this, I may just hurt other people because of my selfishness.

“Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry.”

I’m still learning to listen to Him. I’m still learning not to worry. I’m still learning to wait. I’m still learning to focus on Him. Because by the time I’m not waiting, he may just come around the corner. And by that time, I’m ready to enjoy and give the love I’ve experienced from loving God more.

The art of Job Hunting

Now that it’s November and I’ve finished my clearance, I’m faced with a choice. Actually, it’s choices. 🙂 Choices of where I’m supposed to go after four years of hardwork and training for the real world.

For some people, job hunting is so easy. Maybe because they have friends or relatives working in a company that it’s easy for them to get in. However, for lots of fresh graduates like me, it’s hard to look for a job suitable to your interests and training.

My uncle and several friends advise me to enter the call center world while waiting for a possible job interview that suits my interests. I know being a call center agent is not an easy thing to do, but then, if like me, you are having financial difficulties, then you would consider working in such environment because of its high salary.

I know it’s hard thing to stand for your convictions, to hope for something unpredictable. But then, faith is something you do not see and something you believe in, no matter what it takes. In job hunting, it’s the time to exercise one’s faith, no matter how unpredictable it may seem.

So, as I apply for jobs online, faith is the key. But practically, preparation for job interviews and confidence is also needed. Job Hunting is the art where techniques are applied. So, as I put on faith, preparation and confidence in the canvass of employers, I know I can move mountains, no matter how big it is. 🙂